Self-Awareness and The Universe
For me, sobriety has been a lot of work around self-awareness and accountability. I have a tendency to make speedy decisions, and in the past, it's led me down some pretty dark roads. Much of my sobriety has been working through my decision making process and learning tools on how to step back and properly handle impulsive thoughts. Today I had a nice little reminder of how crazy my thinking can get when I am not taking care of myself. I woke up beyond exhausted after a jam-packed, sleepless weekend and was agitated thinking about all the things I didn't feel like doing. As I lay in bed, I decided I didn't want to write a blog post which quickly turned into not wanting to write at all, terminating my blog, and telling myself that the entire project was pointless. I went from zero to sixty in a split second and it was all because I was tired. It's scary to think how quickly I can sandbag myself and it's a perfect example of how imperative it is for me to take care of myself physically.
I did manage to get myself to the gym (which I also didn't feel like doing) and was able to work through some of my crazy thoughts. As I was wrapping up the universe stepped in and reminded that it's always silently supporting me. I went to turn off my headphones and saw a Facebook message from someone I haven't seen since high school. I like to think the universe reveals itself when you most need it and she reached out to me exactly at the moment I needed to be reminded of why this project is so important. We follow one another on social media and just like everyone else she looks happy, successful, and pulled together, however, her email tells a completely different story. Just as I found myself seven years ago at rock bottom she too has found herself there even though everything on the outside looks in place. As I read the email I could feel her pain and am so touched she felt safe enough to reach out. It never occurred to me that anyone would ever contact me but since starting this blog I have heard from so many people and it always seems to happen when I need it most. It's also always the people I least expect. Perhaps, that's what people say about me and why it's so vital to keep doing it. So, it looks like I'll be writing some more - at least for today :)
P.S. To the girl who messaged me...It's a very brave thing you did to reach out and expose yourself; I applaud your courage. You helped me tremendously, thank you. xo